Screw it, I don’t want a birthday party, I haven’t wanted one for a few years now. My mother will force me to have at leaste family over, but when she asks me to invite friends, I’m telling her the truth. I don’t have friends and it’s her fault. They all thought I was blowing them off when I always said I couldn’t go out, because she never lets me out, and when she does it’s always only if there’s an adult around and if I’ll be home before eight. All my old friends think I kept lying to them about wanting to go out, when really I did, but I couldn’t because she wouldn’t let me. They all thought I was lying about her, too because whenever they’re over for the ten minutes my mother allows, she acts like she’d never do such thing and that I must’ve been a liar. She’s why I have no friends in real life and she’ll know it when she asks me to invite some to my sweet sixteen that I don’t even want. Birthday parties are never fun for me, everybody ignores me at my own party and I usually end up crying alone in my room at one point or another. They come because they want to see my mom or my dad or my brothers or each other, they don’t come to see me, or talk to me, or even acknowledge my presence. I hate birthday parties so much.
I know it’s not my place to ask for things, especially from adults, specifically my parents, but I wish instead of treating me like I’m the same age as my littlest brother, they could let me be fifteen, almost sixteen. I ask for a 9:00 curfew, like my little brother has instead of an 8:00 one and almost get grounded, ask to have my party somewhere other than Tautphaus park or my house because I brothers got to go to heise and skating, and I get told if I ask again, I have to go to bed at 6:30.
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Anonymous asked: I'm holding a blade in my hand. Please give me a reason, any reason not to use it
Oh darling, please stay strong. I know it seems pointless to quit cutting because it seems like you’re only helping yourself and stuff. I have a few reasons for you.
- If you ever have a child they could see your scars and think it’s okay to do that to themselves. This isn’t just a cliche thing to say, it’s true. From seeing the scars on my birth parents, I thought it was okay to do it from a very young age, however, that’s not the case.
- You’re going to have to be able to survive without your blade sometime, you can’t always rely on it to get you through everything. One day you’re going to need to realize that you’re worth a lot.
- You only have one body, it has been here for you for a long time now, at least 12 years (I’d assume). It’s been through heart aches, scrapes and bruises from every time you trip or fall, it’s healed you whenever you got sick. I think you should take some time to thank your body for being there for you, don’t hurt it.
If all else fails, my inbox is always open
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